A friend and I were talking this AM and I feel like so many of us need this message right now. So, I decided to share a part of our conversation and some additional thoughts on this topic.
We all want certain things out of life. Maybe we had a vision of how our life might have been when we were younger. Maybe we watched a lot of movies, read a lot of books and caught glimpses of what we thought life should be based on fiction and fragmented pieces. However, I think that many of us are finding that life isn’t all ‘Leave It To Beaver’ and ‘Friends’. What we thought would make up our primary relationships through family and friendships just isn’t our lives and at some point we wonder:
Is it me? Did I do something wrong?
The truth is, it is you.
And, no, I don’t mean you did something wrong. Maybe what you did was right. Maybe what you did was grow.
Even Relationships Have a Season
“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” This is an opening line of a poem by Brian A. “Drew” Chalke
I know it’s a little cliché, but I’m a sucker for a good quote or poem. See, the thing is, everything changes. The seasons change, for example (at least in most places, here in Arizona, well, we kinda get seasons) and with the changing season comes different clothes, new music, home décor… shoot, we even change the way we eat! (Pumpkin Spice anyone?)
Not everyone you once were close with will always be in your life in that same way. Think about it. When you went to school, you had a set of close friends. Maybe you talk to some of them still, see them on Facebook or even hang out sometimes. But, chances are, if you moved or just went a different way, you don’t really hang out with those same people. Same thing goes for work friends. You hang out a lot because you see each other every day, when you no longer do, sometimes those friendships sort of fall off. This is natural. Doesn’t mean you were never friends. Even family relationships can evolve and change with time.
My point is, this is normal. And, it’s okay if you are no longer as close as you once were or hoped to have been with the people who were once in your life.
In fact, what we have to realize is that in order for something to “serve us”, it has to be reciprocal. What we put into it we must get back out of it, or it is no longer serving us.
And, just because something once served us, doesn’t mean we have to keep holding on to it, investing our time or energy into it any more.
Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You
Whether it’s a relationship with an old friend or family member that feels strained or one sided, or it’s an old habit or thought pattern; it’s time to let go of what no longer serves you.
I know, I know. Easier said that done. It might be scary. It’s definitely hard. But, this is what you must do.
When you are no longer aligned with someone or something, when every time you think about it or talk about it you feel bad…. it’s time to let it go.
If you can’t even think about this person or thing without a flood of negative emotions around it: it’s time to let that shit go.
We are energetic beings. We feel a pull. A knowing. A certain kind of energy when we are aligned with something. So, you know when you are off. You have to trust yourself and your own intuition, your gut instinct.
Faith isn’t a word I use lightly, or a lot these days. I might have at one point as I grew up religious. However, I distanced myself from that a long time ago and with it the word faith.
But, let’s be clear. Faith isn’t just about God. Faith isn’t just about religion. Faith is about trusting the unknown. It’s about believing in something bigger than yourself. It’s about tapping into that voice within that says deep down inside you know who you are and what you need.
It’s about knowing that if you can just get vibrationally aligned with what you want, the universe will make a way for it. All you’ve got to do is get into that good feeling place.
Living in the Now with Gratitude
I don’t know how I’ll get there, but I know I can. I know I will if I vibrationally align myself with what I want.
This is why gratitude matters so much. On our path to knowing what we want and getting it, we often get confused. Shoot, half the time I don’t even know what I want to eat for dinner, little alone what I want to do with
t h e r e s t o f m y l i f e….
But, how are we ever going to get what we want if we don’t even know what the heck “it” even is?
How are we going to vibrationally align with “it”?
How are we going to feel good about “it”?
Instead, try this. if you don’t know what you want right now, think about what you already have. Let me give you an example:
- I have a house to live in. Love that for me. (lol)
- I have an amazing husband and children. (Also, love that for me!)
- I have a job and steady income.
- I have a body that can feel and move and love.
- I have access to clean water, food, healthcare and wellness products.
- I have friends and family that love me.
Soon it’s easy to see: Ahhhhh… I have so much to be grateful for!
What we want isn’t always a list of things to acquire, trips to take and goals to check off a bucket list.
Maybe what we all really want is just more of this: To feel loved. To feel safe and secure. To feel wanted and needed. To feel like we belong and matter.
We all want those things, right?
But, if you are feeling lost right now, you can also try this: think about what you don’t have. Not “things” as much as circumstance. I broke my foot once (twice actually) and swore after months of not walking that I would never take walking for granted again. However, sometimes I forget this and think negatively about my legs and the way the look or what they can’t do. Then something will remind me what I am taking for granted and I remember how grateful I really am.
So, if you’re struggling to feel gratitude for something, try reframing it. For example, when I am feeling down about my weight or body, I remind myself:
- I am not injured. I am not sick. I am strong. I am alive. I am healthy. I can walk, run, skip, dance or jump if I want to. Some people cannot.
A woman I met recently asked us to do a little exercise. To just stand up and put our arms in the air. It seemed simple enough it was almost silly, until I realized her point. Her husband is wheelchair bound from ALS. He can no longer stand by himself or put his arms in the air.
Sometimes it just takes a little perspective to remind us that we do have a lot to be grateful for. Sometimes it takes a life changing event for us to remember that life is not to be taken for granted.
Job loss. Injury. Natural disasters. Illness. Death…
Tomorrow isn’t promised. So, what are we doing worrying about a bad hair day or focusing our energy, our precious energy, on people or things that are out of our control?
It’s time to let that shit go.
Let it go.
Rules for Aligning With What You Want
- No complaining. It drains you of your own energy. When you focus on thoughts and conversations around the things you don’t want, you literally drain yourself of your own energy.
- Stop trying to control others. Their behavior is not in your control, but yours is. Maybe they are in your life to help teach you how to let go. Ever thought about that?
- Find gratitude in the every day. Yes, life is hard. But, there is always something to be grateful for. Say a morning prayer. Start a gratitude journal. Start a new family tradition of saying what you are grateful for around the dinner table. Just start.
- Push yourself to do something out of your comfort zone. To try something new. What we want might be hard. It might seem out of our control and that’s okay. Doing something hard is what brings you a sense of accomplishment and helps you align with more of what you want. How? Because when you overcome your fears and do something out of your comfort zone you grow.
Making Room for the New
It’s time to feel good again!
You might not have a bucket list (that’s a post for another day!), vision board or even know what you want to eat for lunch today. And, that’s okay. You don’t have to have life figured out all the time. You don’t have to have a 10 year plan that will dictate the rest of your life.
What you do need is to simple:
- If it feels bad, let that shit go. Spend no more time and energy on it. Stop complaining.
- If it feels good, move in that direction. Use your time and energy on it.
Don’t you agree?
Stop investing your energy into the things that no longer serve you.
Letting go is not a bad thing, it allows you to make room for the new.
So, don’t feel bad about it, boo. Remember: this is your life.
It’s time to create something new that makes you feel good.
I love you!